you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
