no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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