You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
