Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
