you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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