Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
