i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
