Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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