1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
