How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
