Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
