At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
