did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
