I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
