hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
