If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
