I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
