my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
