my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
