If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
