I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
now i know why i became what i already was.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
