Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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