I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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