we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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