They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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