Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
