my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
