My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
