and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
