What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
