All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
