ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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