margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
