Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
