Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
