i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
