Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
