Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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