You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
