I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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