She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
