My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
