worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Did I show you my penis last night?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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