When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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