Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
