I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it was like eating out sand paper
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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