im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
