SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think my vagina is haunted
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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