You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
