Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
