Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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